author’s note, chapter 2.10
Posted by jeanne
yay i’ve finally finished writing out chapter 2. it’s been horrible, daunting, frustrating as hell. and now i have to edit it into a single chapter and put it up for people to read.
interrupting it in the middle to go to dragoncon didn’t help at all. in fact, it screwed up the process in a big way.
partly from the shock of actually being at dragoncon, which takes a week to ramp up for and a week to come down off of. and then from the shock of trying to fit my fictional goings on into the very real and complex reality that is dragoncon. and also from the shock of actually dealing with the complexities of the plot.
i introduced most everybody in this chapter. everyone but kurt, actually. and this was jarring, because i had to unfocus from the sheer boredom of portia and josh’s interaction with all the dragoncon fans, which fell way below my expectations.
in my mind, i had the audience grow wild with the possibilities of actually having superpowers, but when it came time to do it, i wrote something much more tentative. i felt like i was being watched, ridiculed, and lost my nerve. that’s how it feels now.
for the last week or two i have felt a real cloud over this project. like it’s a pipedream, doomed to failure, the waste of time and energy my kid insists it is, final proof that i should abandon my art career and get a day job at, say, wallmart.
and i have resisted this mood. i know from long experience that the self doubt is all part of the process, as is the conviction that i’m writing a best seller, with which the mood alternates. these are just outward emotions that symbolize the creative process that’s happening inside all artists. it may sound like a bunch of self-indulgent twaddle, but that’s just the illusion, and later on, since i’m not going to let this stop me, i will see it for the negative voice of self-hatred and the envy of others who can’t quit their dayjobs to write self-indulgent twaddle.
i’ll probably get upset when i see what the mess the entire chapter looks like when i assemble it for editing. i haven’t done that yet, but let me just look and see how many pages i have to start with. hmph. it’s only 13 pages. i could have sworn it was a lot more.
one thing i’ll have to do is to make the flow of action fit into a standard dragoncon day. the first panel is at 10, then 11:30, then 1, then 2:40, 4, 5:30, 7, 8:30, 10, 11:30. jim and i have never managed to stay that late. the last panel we’ve attended has been the 5:30 one. this year we went up to nikolai’s roof at the top of the hilton to have a drink with a friend (and just missed seeing adam west, who was there having dinner, and is said to be very gracious and a good tipper), and then went to the artist’s reception at 8, but we were home and asleep by 9:30, and thought it was something we could probably skip next year. but then, we’re old, and the people i’m writing about are young. and at dragoncon, the party is at night. in fact, as we were leaving every day, we saw them setting up bars in the lobbies of all the hotels, and i can imagine how crazy it must get once everyone’s had a few.
as far as the story flow goes, they’re only up for the 10am panel because they slept in the stairwell and there was no space to lie back down when they went up to their room. so i have maybe 6 panels to work around. we’ll see how well it fits when it comes time. i’m going to have a lot of other adjustments to make in this vein.
another problem i had was fitting in the new characters. fairy was a section by herself, and that worked well, and i was very satisfied with it. but the scene where i introduce caroline just didn’t work until i put her in there to tell what was going on. it was a little hard to get around to random (who is at this point called radhu), but after some work it’s not too awkward.
i had a real hell of a time cutting away to talk about the family, tho, because they’re just so incongruous. they don’t fit in with dragoncon, the tone is completely different, i might as well be writing another book. and i’m going to have to do with in every chapter, to cut away with
every time. i’m not sure if that’s good enough. but something something until the story gets woven into the fabric of the rest of the story. it’s by far the most incongruous story line. these are the tertiary characters, and even tho they take over at the end, in the beginning they’re almost too insignificant to mention, altho they carry a lot of the contemporary society atmosphere that i’ll be skirting around the entire story.